


Of Huge Snakes

by HolyQuiznak01



Series: Ineffable Husbands: Compiled [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Post-Canon, a bit crack-ish, about Crowley's snake form having optional size (and shape except that's not in here), aziraphale scares away customers, based on a tumblr discussion i saw, large snek Crowley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-13 01:17:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19240891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HolyQuiznak01/pseuds/HolyQuiznak01
Summary: R.P. Tyler goes for a (not-so-lovely) stroll around Soho. He encounters some weird people. Or people-shaped beings. Rather, one person-shaped being. And his pet snake.Or, alternatively;Customers walk in just to see this hüge snake on the kind and soft looking bookstore owner and noping the hell (heaven? heck?) out of there.





	Of Huge Snakes

**Author's Note:**

> So I recently got back into Good Omens the show premiered and had to write this fic after seeing a tumblr discussion about Crowley being this huge snake. Do I have assignments? Yes. Do I have exams soon? Also yes. Am I still about to write this? Yes. Is this a bad idea? Definitely.

R.P. Tyler wasn’t expecting anything strange when he’d taken some time off to visit his daughter in Soho. There wasn’t any  _Adam_  here. Or any of his weird little friends. Or tourists on crack. Or weird blue cars named “Dick Turpin” of all things with weirder people in them.

* * *

 

It was a Sunday, just like all other Sundays before this one. R.P. Tyler had dropped in to Soho after the events on Saturday, which for some reason seemed quite distant and blurry, only having a slight inkling of a feeling that he should be visiting his daughter for some reason. Walking down the street, he scoffed at the various shops he passed along.

 _Surely, books of the sinful variety should never be so_ blatantly _advertised._ He thought, already starting to mentally compose a letter of complaint to the neighbourhood watch of this area. Glancing at the seemingly more respectful shop next to it, he smiled.  _Now there was a proper bookshop. Nice, quaint, not too modern._

Seeing as he had some time left, he chose to walk in.1

A blonde, cherubic-faced man glanced up from his spot, vaguely radiating disappointment.3

“Is there anything I could be helping you with?” He didn’t seem particularly inclined to get up from his chair, only frowning slightly.

R.P. Tyler thought for a minute. “I suppose I’ll just browse a bit first.”

“Alright then.” 4

Glancing at the number of books meant for children in the store, he found himself thinking that perhaps he had picked the wrong shop to enter. 5 

>  
> 
> 1 In hindsight, that was his first mistake. He had ben thinking along the lines of ‘what’s the harm in scanning a few books?’.2
> 
> 2 Quite A Lot of harm.
> 
> 3 Well at least R.P. Tyler just found that he felt as if someone was a bit disappointed in  _him_. It certainly couldn’t be coming from the nice little man.
> 
> 4 In that moment, Aziraphale had proceeded to make sure the books were a  _bit_  more Crammed Together and harder to take out than usual.
> 
> 5 Not for the first time, nor for the last.
> 
>  

When he finally got to the section filled with actual, classic books, he had had to locate the section, step around a complicated maze of bookshelves, avoid a few stacks on tables, and waste about ten minutes of his time.

Wiping off a bit of sweat1, he glanced at the titles.

Most of them were bibles, which he didn’t mind much, except for the fact that they had quite  _disturbing_  names. There were also a couple Oscar Wildes mixed in there as well. 2 His eyes fell on a well-loved copy of T _he Picture of Dorian Gray_.

At that moment, R.P. Tyler seemed to remember his daughter mentioning a penchant for that particular book. Picking it up, he started to step his way carefully back to the counter. 5

As he did so, he heard a couple snippets of words, one seeming to yield to a slight lisp.

“Could you...sight for...my dear?...don’t feel...again.”

There was a hissing sort of laughter here.

“Issss fineeee.....gel....not like.....cusssstomerssss...” 

“Yes, well... _them_...” 6

R.P. Tyler felt a bit discomfited at the slight hissing, but ultimately decided it wasn’t anything to worry himself over and approached the counter.

>  
> 
> 1 He felt a bit of a glare, and got a Suggestion to not Do That again and to immediately wipe his hand on his Clothes and not Touch the books with that hand.
> 
> 2 Aziraphale had Stronly Suggested to Adam that he restore some of his more sentiment bearing books. 3
> 
> 3 Crowley was not very happy to see the Wilde books again. 4
> 
> 4 In fact, he immediately shifted to snake form and curled around Aziraphale.
> 
> 5 For some reason, he didn’t feel particularly inclined to staying around to browse, although that had been his original intention.
> 
> 6 “Could you please just stay out of sight for a bit, my dear? I really don’t feel like drawing attention to myself and having to miracle it away again.”
> 
> “It’ssss fineee, angel. Besssidess, it’sss not ass if you want the cusstomers around anyways.”
> 
> “Yes well I don’t feel like catching the attention of” Aziraphale glances up “ _them_ right now. Or ever.”
> 
>  

The previously stoic-looking book shop owner seemed to be frantically shoving something down. Something that was mobile.

Glancing about, the thought that the other conversationalist wasn’t present occurred to him.In fact, the thought that he hadn’t seen anybody else enter after he did was also a thought. 1

“Yes, well, I would like to purchase this book.” He placed the book down, just as a wave of... _Something_  hit him. 3

“Purchase?” The bookstore owner didn’t seem to be particularly tickled by this revelation. In fact, he sounded a bit peeved at the idea. 

“Yes. Purchase a book. What kind of a bookshop doesn’t sell books?”

The blonde man, who was starting to adopt the expression of a kicked puppy as he glanced at the book again, was still speechless. 4

He visibly gave up on trying to hint R.P. Tyler away and proceeded to employ his next trick.

Crowley.

Or really, if you wanted it to be clarified, he just allowed Crowley to slither out from under the desk where Aziraphale had previously been pinning him in place. And to be even more specific, it was Crowley’s six feet long and about-ten-centimetres-across snake form.

R.P. Tyler, of course, was not prepared. 5 

First, he was just a bit shocked. Externally, he was frozen in place. Internally, he was screaming about bookstore rules and “Don’t you realize you have a huge  _snake_ beside you, you silly young man?!” 6 or a slightly more terrified “What kind of a bookstore has a  _snake in it_? An  _uncaged_ snake!” or even the background “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH” running through his mind. Of course, he thought it was a bit distasteful to say so. The young man 7 surely knew there was a snake in his shop and that it was unacceptable? So of course, he did the only acceptable thing in this scenario.

 

He ran from the shop. Really, you couldn’t quite blame him. He wasn’t expecting any huge snakes in a Soho book store.

 

> 1 And was promptely forgotten. With just a little bit of Prompting, of course. 2
> 
> 2 It is still unsure whether that had been Aziraphale’s or Crowley’s doing.
> 
> 3 Unfortunately, R.P. Tyler was one of those bull-headed people. Very stubborn, unlikely to be affected by hypnotism, you know the type. Which meant that  _something_  just felt like a brief tickle in the back of his mind of “I should leave this bookshop”.
> 
> 4 This was actually more due to the fact that R.P. Tyler hadn’t already run out of the store believing he had an important appointment that anything else.
> 
> 5 Which was fair. Humans are rarely prepared for a snake that’s larger than you to emerge from beside a perfectly-pleasant-looking middle aged book keeper.
> 
> 6 There was no way for him to know Aziraphale was a few millenia older than him.
> 
> 7 Again, Aziraphale huffed. He was  _most certainly_ older than this  _R. P. Tyler_ character.
> 
>  

Crowley shifted back and raised an eyebrow at Aziraphale. 

Aziraphale ignored him, waving the book back to where it belonged.

Crowley just continued to stare.

“Alright, yes, fine. Thank you for that.” The angel huffed and then smiled. “I truly am grateful, my dear. I know how much you disliked Oscar’s books.” 

Crowley humphed and leaned against the counter. “And to think you were trying to thwart me at first.”

“Yes, my dear.” Aziraphale mindlessly hummed, already completely immersed in his book. He absently petted the demon’s cheek.

Crowley turned red and shifted back into a snake, curling up on his angel’s shoulders. And all was well again.

**Author's Note:**

> * Except you know, I've still my culminating and exams coming up.
> 
> This was my first fic for the fandom, and I would greatly appreciate any reviews or kudos!


End file.
